She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He passed out mid-signature
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
