he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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