let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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