the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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