Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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