My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
