Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
