Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think people are normalizing furries
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize