I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
