I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
