Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just pynch a tree in the face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
