laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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