Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if i died would you start the facebook group?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
we should paint friendship bongs
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