TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize