I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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