Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
