I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize