I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
as a side note pls kill me
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