I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
