If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
