Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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