whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize