idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
