I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
