Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
