hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
