new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
