I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
