Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
