I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
