you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
