birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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