the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
