So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
