My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
