I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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