I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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