do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize