Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
