The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
