it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
