apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
