it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
