She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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