I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
