She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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