Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh god the rape fog is back!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
