i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
did i just pee glitter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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