Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
