Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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