WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
