I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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