Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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