Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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