dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
