Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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