Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
