oh god the rape fog is back!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
