Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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