Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
