Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
