Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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