last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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