Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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