My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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