Having a random hookup so left but love u
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
