omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
