I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize