Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
