out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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