today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
