Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
