My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
