I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize