shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
