I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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