Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
