So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
