last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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