well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
