i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
