my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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