the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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