Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she peed on how many people?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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