it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
