Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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