i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
