it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the day after is always just damage control
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
