And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
