Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize