he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
