I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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