So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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