I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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