I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
