kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
