Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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