I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
