surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
