Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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