White coat. Heels.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
