I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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