i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize