Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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