It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
