i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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